Healing! The scars are a reminder… that’s all!

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Recently – very recently the discussion around depression has become much more public… with the world championship boxer Tyson Fury openly stating that he’d gotten back up from his 12 round knock down because wanted to show those who have depression it’s possible to beat it…

scars heal… the one in the photo is just one from a big accident I had in 2013… physical parts of your body heal… but the mental and emotional scars are different…

why?

Well, I think it’s shame!? Because it’s easy to get physical therapy… easy to work on what you see… but mental health! That’s a whole different gig… who wants to say I’m emotionally damaged? Who wants to say I’m emotionally broken? Who owns up to not being able to cope?

So shame becomes something burning deep within your soul… you hide it, you put up walls or lie about it… you can’t hide the physical scars, but the emotional ones… you think you can hide from them, and hide them from others… and if you are courageous enough to speak up, to finally say yes I have a deeply difficult path to navigate, because I’ve suffered depression… you WILL be judged… and you WILL be left alone to face it… this is a fact of life…

people have no time or interest in something as “horrible” as a person who has mental health issues… a fact of life… but we all have them… every single one of us has anxiety, stress or emotional difficulties… not one soul on the planet hasn’t had them… we all have different reactions to them…

mine? Well the problem is how do you tell those you love that you are that broken… I recently forced myself to face this brokenness… after 5 years of trauma and shame… and 5 attempts on my own life this past year… each one having a deeper impact and placing more shame on my already broken soul…

yes there are outside influences, people who attack or abuse you… I’ve learnt that owning your emotional scars is much harder to navigate… I lied about mine.. a lot… to hide from the conversation that would come from it… I don’t drink to numb myself.. I don’t take drugs to numb myself… I just try to put one step in front of the other… and meditate as often as I can… but I try…

very recently I’ve been courageous enough to own it all.. alone on that journey, but that ok too… because I have stopped wishing people would or could understand… I’ve just understood myself…

Tyson is right… As a successful athlete when you are on top of life people want to know you… but when you fail, you are broken or emotionally empty.. people turn and walk away… yesterday I spent a day doing what I am amazing at… I spent a day with friends by my side testing superbikes and setting up for next season… hopefully my skills and ability will help the team to win more next season… but more then that, I told the all about my depression and trauma.. something I’d been hiding from for over 5 years😞

its been a cleansing of the soul… something I’ve needed to experience so that I am more human myself… I realised that my experience was to open myself up so that I can help others dealing with this deeply difficult problem…

depression, emotional trauma, shame… these things when you are in the middle of them seem impossible to navigate.. and no one wants to stand by your side whilst you navigate them… hiding them often leads to even more shame and problems… and so the only way is truth…

having physical scars that heal is actually something positive.. why? Because they remind you that in time you do heal, mine? Yep, I had a body full of them, face, head, hand, arm. Broken bones… and 5 years of hidden scars too… but they are now healing… and yesterday’s time on the bike… October’s time on the bike and time planned for the new year is my way of getting back to me…

Tyson Fury, a Champion! Not just for boxing, but for all of us who’ve suffered depression, emotional illness and trauma, who’ve suffered grief and had to face it alone… his need to step back into sport is mine… getting back on the bike has helped me find my way… helped me find myself again… life has a way of healing you.. and inspiration comes from the most unique places.

“you are what you create – let that creation be the best you possible – it’s not what others see but what you want to be” ~ The Motive 🙏🏽😔

 

 

Author: Only One, But a lion!

Only One; But A Lion! Writer, blogger and explorer of life... Writer, blogger and explorer of humanity-single dad-story teller-giver of hugs... wiper of tears- I am imperfect.. but hope is eternal 💕 Exploring the Motive of Conversation, events, who we are and how to heal from trauma... These are my words, from my soul, bound with hope, love and a willingness to share, to open the minds, hearts and souls of others ~ Hope - it’s the best and last of all things ~ The Motive

4 thoughts on “Healing! The scars are a reminder… that’s all!”

  1. I don’t know if I’ve ever read more true words. I’ve had mental illness for almost 20 years. Every time I share that I am having a hard time, the people closest to me all but abandon me. I am so glad my husband is always by my side.
    Thank you for sharing your story. It’s inspiring to see how far you have come in the last 8 years.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you, I’m so sorry you’ve had to experience the trauma and guilt that comes from being unwell emotionally… my heart aches for you too… I am glad your husband is your rock… nothing I write can explain the difficulty faced when you are in the midst of this journey… I hope you are ok now and feeling heard… sharing my story is about helping others know it’s ok to speak out. If others walk away at your time of courage, understand that you deserve better… don’t give up… in time peace and health will come… it is good to read that you have support from someone who loves you ~ Pete ~ The Motive

      Like

      1. It’s great to see so many people with mental illness starting the conversation and supporting one another. It can take a while to get through the shame and dogma of mental illness to understand that we do deserve to be happy.

        Thank you so much for your kind words. It really does help to know that others are listening and understand how hard it can be to fight their way back to a better mental place.

        Liked by 1 person

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