I found a part of me this past month, a part of me that understands now how our past effects our essence and its journey, with ourselves and with others.
I have come to realise that a lot of the people on the planet are lost, I don’t mean this in just a metaphorical way, I also mean it in a literal sense. We often become lost in someone else’s noise, or someone else’s journey or someone else’s story, someone else’s life and in this they may find themselves walking a totally different path to the one they believed they were on… no matter how we lose ourselves, we stray from the path that our soul truly wanted us to walk. And in the past 4 months of my healing I have also realised that this experience of being lost can be deeper and more expansive than we actually realised at the time.
I wrote recently that to find yourself, sometimes you must become lost, this is obviously an oxymoron, meaning to find yourself, you must often stray from the path you are currently walking, the difficulties with changing direction or letting go of a journey is that it normally brings with it some kind of pain or grief.
However, I have experienced recently a human trait that still has me dumbfounded… As you would know if you’ve read some of my posts, I am far from perfect, and I have made some unbelievably stupid and sometimes horrible mistakes… but I have owned each and every one of them, because in my soul and heart it is not ok to leave someone else carrying your (NOISE) or your mistakes… I have learnt that life is absolutely not about blaming others for your decisions or choices. However, circumstances can and often do lead to us hiding parts of who we are or creating an alternative reality so that we can hide our shame. This is especially important if that shame comes from protecting others before you protect yourself.
But being lost in someone else’s story is an important part of life, how do we use our compassion or the good parts of us if we don’t stray from the road we are traveling along? To stop and change a wheel for someone or offer a helping hand… an example of this is my decision 2 days ago to lean in to a complete stranger the other side of the world and donate to their cause. Knowing I have other obligations and things to pay, yet sometimes someone else’s need is bigger than our own or the other people in your orbit.
The reality is we are all lost in some kind of way, be it emotionally, spiritually or simply dealing with life issues. I cannot remember when I became totally lost, I have reflected over the past 4 months and considered that question. When? When did I struggle to look back and actually see anything of my past that was not reflected in the lies I’d told, to myself and others… when had I truly lost my way, in reflecting upon this question I considered the impact of emigrating to Australia, the impact this had on my children and the changes in my life at the time. I do not regret moving to Australia, but I realised in reflection that this was when I let my own life become a story that was actually someone else’s.
I look back on my moments of struggle, the snapshots of time that I was hiding myself, and I see now that even though I was not self-medicating, I was creating a life where I was not at peace with the moments I’d experienced, and in this I was not feeling complete. I look back at all the posts, all the times I had travelled and sat watching others, all of the words I had written and shared with people… and in all of them I was still lost… I had been able to express the importance of life to others based on moments in my own life, but in all of those moments I was still lost…. Still unable to find myself completely. I found that having the courage to lean in to yourself in those moments of alone will in the end open the soul and with hope and some spiritual guidance you will find yourself again…. In time you will no longer be lost – hopefully you will find your path, your self and those who you love will find you too…