I found this in my journal… love, compassion and understanding are parts of me found deep within my bones… in the marrow, even though I had my own brokenness to face… Broken people still deserve love and compassion 🙏🏼💕 The Motive
Grief and being shown another souls pain…. journaling 2/3/18..
“I sat on Patricia’s bed late this afternoon, watching the beautiful woman I’ve come to love, we’ve been apart for weeks, actually 9 weeks to be exact. And we’ve grown as a couple and as individuals too. I knew that by leaving Australia and coming here we would become more as a couple.
I’ve come to realise as I’ve navigated this journey that real and pure love is complicated, mainly because of the depth that the souls connect. As I traveled writing “The Motive” I was shown many times that relationships have complex corners. They are layered with the energy and junctions where emotions take different paths. Most of all relationships are dictated by the pasts of the people in them.
Importantly as a deeply empathetic soul I’ve realised that most people are lost in the past and simply do not know how to love in the moment. This isn’t necessarily a reflection of their sexual activity in their relationship, more a reflection of their emotional and spiritual connection to the person they ‘say’ they love. And this can potentially impact on their sexual connection, but not always.
Why do I say this? Well, I realised again today that what I’ve seen more and more as I’ve traveled and paid attention, is that people struggle to display the ability to de-escalate emotionally and often this impacts their ability to forgive and lean into an emotionally important action… the action of hugging the other person who’s in pain. And I’ve learnt that the actual need to hug someone is born from our most important muscle memory.. the memory of feeling physically safe as a baby and child.
As I sat listening to the woman I’ve come to love today, I was reminded to just be that person for her. The one soul who just listened and gently physically and emotionally hugged her. I realised that as Patricia spoke and read out loud how much of the past she’s being forced to re-live. I realised that her grief is very real and that I was seeing again how truly trusting and beautiful people can and often do have their past hurts used against them by other people.
My heart truly ached for Patricia today as she read out loud the words in the report. A report written by total strangers and influenced by a man who has shown time and time again that he has no interest in the emotional wellness of his sons or the amazing woman I’ve come to love and adore. Again I was shown that ego is the defining aspect of the male gender. And more importantly that the abuse of trust by using someone’s past is morally wrong, and this only shows the lack of emotional intelligence of the person projecting these behaviours.
I am lost, not in the way to love and support my beautiful partner, but in the way to act myself. Part of me wants to respond to him, but I know deep down that is also wrong. More importantly I feel that Patricia needs to feel my love and trust, more now than ever… that we will lean into each other and accept us for who we are now, and that our past hurts have allowed us to love with more understanding and less pain.
If anything came from the moment we shared today, sitting on her bed whilst she read out loud the immoral accusations, it was that her love for her children is deep and pure. I also realised that Patricia’s commitment to us is unshakable. And even in the most difficult moment of her life, when she’s fighting for the wellbeing of her sons and for truth to be presented without anger, she’s standing in her own truth, a strong, beautiful woman, mother and partner, who I am in awe of.
I find myself learning to love on a completely different level, not just one of physical and emotional, but one of complete understanding for the woman I see, a soul who’s felt grief, loss and fear. Yet she’s not walked in self pity and victimhood. She’s become stronger and more loving of who she is herself.
I find myself loving Patricia’s soul, from a place of non-judgement and total understanding for what her past means for her. I find myself loving her unconditionally… most of all, I accept the complicated aspects of the love we’ve created by becoming a partnership and embrace our oneness and our journey together… I accept not only our goodness but the bits of us that hurt and feel pain and grief. A long and difficult day, which left me loving Patricia more for showing me her the parts of her that are vulnerable…”